[00:00:00] All right, welcome back. We are continuing the self sabotage theme from the last episode. So if you have not watched, listened, wherever you are consuming this content, if you have not gone through, episode 7, which was the previous episode. I would really, really encourage you to do so before you listen to this episode.

It’s not going to make or break what you really get out of this episode, but it’s going to help everything make a lot more sense. And it’s also just extremely important for you to get the foundational knowledge and understanding of self sabotage before we go into how to diagnose it. So today we are talking about How to start to understand the type of self sabotage that you are working with and I’m going to be Mostly speaking to health and fitness coaches during this episode [00:01:00] Everything that I’m saying you could apply to yourself, but where I’m coming from and where this acronym in all of this teaching really was developed, who it was developed for originally, was health and fitness coaches.

So that’s where I’m going to be speaking from, but just know that if you’re not a health and fitness coach and you’re like, oh man, this is not for me, like it’s just for coaches who are working with clients, that’s, it’s not necessarily the case either. So with that said, the first. step into stopping self sabotage, or at least reducing it with our clients, is to diagnose.

And, first and foremost, I want to remind from the previous episode when we talked about that self sabotage is a very normal human process. And our brains are, fortunately and unfortunately, set up to Self sabotage. That’s just kind of the way it is [00:02:00] as far as like keeping us safe, keeping us away from negative things, that sort of thing.

So the acronym that I have for you all in order to start to diagnose self sabotage in your clients again or with yourself. I made this acronym and I thought it was like kind of funny and cutesy and the first time I taught it was like on a live workshop series. And it was the first time I was actually having to say it out loud and I was like, now I’m just saying the word shit over and over again.

And I really was kicking myself for not coming up with a better acronym. But again, at first I was like, oh, this will be kind of funny. Like, everyone’s got shit to deal with. That’s how self sabotage works. But now the acronym S H I T just feels stupid that I’ve been saying it out loud. So I’m like, I am being reminded of these feelings again as I’m doing this.

So bear with me with my shit acronym, my shitty acronym. [00:03:00] So S stands for self concept uncertainty. H stands for homegrown beliefs. I is for internalized fears. And T is for trying to take control. So. We’re going to start with S and work our way through this acronym, these different types of self sabotage.

So, the first one is self concept a. Uncertainty. So we need to first define what self concept is. And I have a whole host, this is, what, episode 8? This is the most notes I’ve had for an episode yet. If you’ve ever learned from me before, you’ve been on any sort of Q& A or discussion call, you know your girl.

can talk without anything in front of her, she can talk. But I really wanted to make sure that I am hitting on all of the strong points when I’m going through this acronym and sharing with you how to really diagnose self sabotage. So for those of you that are [00:04:00] watching on YouTube, you’re seeing me look down probably more than you ever have.

And that is because of that. So. Self concept defined. I want to define self concept for you guys, because me saying self concept uncertainty, you may be like, yeah, I’m uncertain what that even means, Kasey. And self concept is the feelings that you have of Being a unique individual, that you really understand your own, like, view of yourself and the very many different components that you probably have that makes up who you are, whether that’s coach, athlete, foodie, wife, content creator, business owner, all of these different pieces of who you are, you’re very clear on who those are, who that is for you, and also, like, who you are So when you have clients who have a very strong self concept, they are sure that they can achieve their ideal self, like, where they, who they want [00:05:00] to be, they don’t lack a ton of confidence in their abilities.

They have this positive view of themself, and most days they actually feel close to that ideal self, or like, they really think that that ideal self is very attainable. They’re optimistic about outcomes in their life, and they worry less about what other people think of them. So if you maybe have a client in mind, I would actually encourage you to think about your most successful clients.

And if you feel like they Fit any of any of the descriptions that I just shared because most of the time our most successful clients do have a pretty strong self concept and those with an uncertain or weak self concept. They’re not really sure that they can achieve this ideal self. They lack confidence in their abilities.

They doubt the good things will ever happen to them. They look to external circumstances to tell them how they feel about themselves and they’re ultimately insecure about who they are. So [00:06:00] we’re talking about self sabotage. Self sabotage itself can lead to self concept uncertainty, so not really feeling good about who you are, who you’re going to be, your ability to become the person that you want to be, you’re always looking to external factors to tell you more about yourself.

That can lead people to self sabotage because they’re kind of just on like a wobbly foundation to begin with. And then on the flip side, but also just, it kind of becomes like this like circular thing because self concept uncertainty itself, so doubting that things, good things will ever happen to you, looking to external circumstances to tell you how you feel about yourself, being insecure about who you are, that can lead to self sabotage.

So we’re seeing it kind of go in both directions. It’s a little bit of like a chicken or the egg phenomenon. So they kind of feed each other, which makes it like. Extra powerful in the worst way. So, [00:07:00] obviously, as a coach, if we’re noticing this self concept uncertainty, this weak sense of self concept, we can, and we’re also seeing this client is subject to self sabotage.

We see it, these patterns coming up for them a lot when it comes to self sabotage. They’re getting in their own way a lot. There’s definitely. Definitely a connection there. So that would be something that you would want to focus on in your coaching practices to help them reduce their instances of self sabotage, is focusing on cultivating a stronger self concept.

So that’s number one. H in our acronym is homegrown beliefs. So homegrown beliefs, what I’m saying about, what I mean about homegrown beliefs, again, it’s like, Kasey, what are these words you just made up and put into this shitty acronym? Um, homegrown beliefs. Beliefs that were homegrown, some beliefs and belief systems that maybe you grew up with that, um, came from your, your parents has [00:08:00] been just something that’s been solidified over time in your time on this earth.

And it’s based in this idea of learning theory. Which is a very, very, very basic theory that we’ve had inside psychology for freaking forever. And this is essentially just the idea that behaviors are heavily dependent on vicarious conditioning, meaning that we learn through the consequences. So we’re talking childhood, we’re talking young adulthood, honestly, we’re talking about what happened to you three years ago.

We’re learning from other people and watching them make mistakes and watching them see the consequences of their actions. And that is how we learn, especially, especially at a younger age, which is why I’m saying like homegrown beliefs. So, this could have looked like for your clients, overly cautious parents, so helicopter style type of mom and dad.

And this can leave clients feeling like they can’t take [00:09:00] risks. They may be very risk averse because of this upbringing. They maybe had a parent who was always dieting or talking poorly of their bodies, which then leaves clients feeling like. diet and exercise might be pointless from a weight loss perspective because they saw mom go through 17 different diets as they grew up.

And so they’re learning from their parents in that way. Or maybe they had very critical parents, which can leave your clients feeling like they’re never good enough, which we have an entire episode. on clients who may be feeling not good enough, this not good enough ness. This was a question that was actually asked inside the Health Mindset Coaching Certification Alumni Group, so I broke that down in a previous episode if that’s something that feels like is relevant to you and your clients.

So they feel like they may not actually ever be rewarded because having hyper critical parents and like, raise your hands if that sounds familiar to you. Mom and dad, I love you, but You definitely definitely this was my [00:10:00] childhood. Um, it can feel like you won’t ever actually get rewarded because what you’re doing.

There’s always more to be striving for, which is amazing. Like part of the reason I do believe I’m at the level of success that I am today is because of. Having more critical parents and having them honestly believe in me to the point that like, there’s always more for you to do, there’s more for you to achieve, like, cool, you got an A, but like, what about that Ph.

D.? So, anyway, I digress. Having these hypercritical parents, though, can leave your clients feeling like they’re never good enough, like there’s, they can’t celebrate anything. So, thinking about your clients, and this is where I do want to make a comment about how it’s important to recognize that you’re not a therapist, unless you are, of course, and working with our clients through childhood traumas or severe instances of parenting that led them to think a certain way today.

Like, it may be [00:11:00] out of your scope of practice as a coach, but it’s also worth having a conversation around and kind of sharing some of this stuff and just generally understanding that the younger years of our clients lives are extremely, extremely crucial. And at this time, when we are younger, this is when we’re figuring out how the world works, how we fit in, who we are as people.

And these early encounters with life and our parents and what’s going on create the rules that we live by that then essentially like create a backbone for any future experiences that we have. So. It is still very important that as a coach, you’re understanding that all of your clients came from different homegrown beliefs and they have those beliefs now from their childhood, from early adulthood, whenever, and again, it could be something that still happened like just a few years ago that they have now like internalized, right?

And we’re going to talk more about like [00:12:00] internalization in the next one. But long story short, this could be the reason or this could be how you’re diagnosing your career. Clients self-sabotage is that it’s coming from these beliefs, these longstanding beliefs that your clients have maybe even dating back to when they were just young little kids.

So, good questions and like things to think about with your clients. Okay, next up we have I for internalized fears. So. This diagnosis, and I know I’m using diagnosis as sort of like in a not so serious manner, right, we’re obviously like not diagnosing anybody with anyone, anything, just to be clear, but so when I, when I came up with this one, it was coming from a lot of research from Fisk and Taylor, they’re researchers like, oh my gosh, some, some of these studies that we’re talking like from the 80s and talking about [00:13:00] how our brains are cognitive misers and what these researchers mean by that and what we can take away from that is that we like to think and solve problems as simply as possible with as little effort as possible, which is why things like habits and autopilot and Doing things when you’re not even realizing that you’re doing them like why that even happens is because our brains are constantly trying to conserve energy and trying to do things and solve problems using as little energy as possible.

So unfamiliar options or challenges are often avoided because of this because we’re seeking. The familiar. We’re seeking the familiar because the familiar is easier. It conserves more energy. It’s, it’s our, again, like, habit, more habitual behaviors, automatic things. So we often avoid things that are unfamiliar or challenging because It [00:14:00] feels safer in that way, even if it means getting out of a bad situation, getting yourself closer to your goals, you’re going to be more likely to fall back on your very familiar habits, routines, etc.

So, psychological threat that’s often paired with fear. of change. Fear of the unknown is what can lead to self sabotage. So when we’re talking about internal fears, you need to understand internalized fears. Sorry. You need to understand that your client’s mind is trying to protect them at all costs, right?

And trying to protect this energy and rationalize things. So something that could be going on in your client’s mind is essentially that at least you’ve learned over time how to deal with these current problems So why don’t we just keep our current problems rather than trying to, like, potentially step into this, like, new, unknown territory of changing [00:15:00] our lifestyle, changing all of these other behaviors, introducing new routines, and all of this new stuff that may, may go wrong, that we may not be able to stick to, that may not actually produce the results that we want to, like your client’s brain is doing this.

It’s essentially saying, right now sucks, and we do kind of want to change our reality. We’re not happy with our body composition, not happy with our energy levels. We’re not happy with our, with our lifestyle from a health and fitness perspective. But it’s familiar. So you’re alive, you’re surviving. Why would we rock the boat?

That’s essentially what your client’s brains are doing. So this type of self sabotage takes a little bit more effort to see if it is the culprit, because it involves doing the right thing. Nothing different rather than something active, whereas like other self sabotaging behaviors, like we’re doing something to get in the way of our goals, but in this case, [00:16:00] we’re not taking action to do things, it’s kind of, it’s holding your clients back from doing things, because we have this internalized fear that if something is challenging, if it’s unknown, like, that’s, that’s worse still, Then the familiar discomfort that we have, there’s a, there’s a saying, I think it’s like, it’s something like, better the devil you know, that might be the full saying actually, better the devil you know, right?

So, I am uncomfortable in my body, I’m uncomfortable with my lifestyle, I want things to change, but that is still more comfortable and my brain is going to tell me to stay here. Because I’m alive, and it’s safe, and it’s familiar, versus getting uncomfortable and trying to try new things where I could potentially fail, and it could get worse, and I could put all this time and effort in, and we could just go back to square one.

So, again, this is harder to tell if this is the culprit of your client’s self sabotage, because it is essentially them just, like, not [00:17:00] taking action, rather than, like, doing something to self sabotage their, their current problem. Progress, if that makes sense. So again, still very powerful, very important thing to pay attention to with your clients.

And you could definitely ask some questions around this and, and ask them a little bit about their, their level of familiarity and comfort with where they currently are compared to the changes and where they want to go. Cause I think a lot of people too, I’ve had this with clients many times, they’re.

When we get to the core of it, we find out that actually the reason they’re self sabotaging and keeping themselves from making progress is because they’re scared for once they are successful to have to maintain that success, like that level of pressure and the unknown that comes with that. is scarier than actually just maybe staying where you are, even if it’s not somewhere you want to be.

So, the last one is T for trying to take control. [00:18:00] As humans, don’t we love control? I actually have a quote from, I think his last name, this is a researcher in this area, Liotti. L E O T T I, if you want to look it up. And this researcher says, feeling in control is a biological and psychological necessity.

That is the entire quote. But I wanted to share it and I wanted to share it from a researcher because if I were to sit here and say that like, Oh, it’s control is just, it is a necessity for us as humans. Like that doesn’t hold as much weight as someone who’s literally a long time researcher in this area.

And this researcher goes on to explain how belief in your ability to exert control over your environment. to produce a desired result is very actually essential to your well being. And it’s not something that we learn, it’s innate. It’s something we’re born with. We’re biologically motivated to [00:19:00] want to feel in control.

Because if we’re in control of our environment, we can predict what’s going to happen, which is all the better for survival. See how this is always kind of coming back to the same frickin theme? This is what I’m talking about, like, humans are so complex, but we’re so Freakin simple at the end of the day.

So much of everything that we do can come back to just, like, wanting to feel safe and survive and reproduce. So much. Including this. And of course, we can’t control everything, but if we can believe That we are the masters of our environments, a. k. a. if we can have a growth mindset about our ability to have control over things, that we are in charge of good things, any good things that will happen to us, and we have the ability to step aside the negative.

Those are all really good aspects of control, but so much of this comes down to mindset, and so much of this comes down to making sure you can help your clients manage their mindset around control. And I think [00:20:00] we, we’ve all probably used this phrase for ourselves or for our clients, like, just control your controllables, type of thing, right?

And I think That, there’s nothing wrong with that statement, that, going that direction with your clients, but it’s so much more than that. There’s so many more aspects to it. We can go so much deeper with them to a point where it’s actually really, really impactful versus just like, well, tell me what you can control and what you can’t.

I mean, that’s a great way to start the conversation, but I think going a layer beyond that and asking more about. Whether or not they actually believe they can change their level of control, do they actually believe that they have control over different aspects of their environment? Because ultimately, if you have a fixed mindset about your ability to control your environment, to control the good things and the bad things that happen to you, if you have a fixed mindset about those things, things, then you’re going to be in this really tough spot where you don’t believe that you have control, which as we just heard from Dr.

Leoti, is really imperative for our wellbeing and really imperative for our [00:21:00] motivation. So you can think about a client that maybe is struggling with self sabotage. Does their need for control get in the way of the coaching relationship? Where have you seen that shown up? Do minor adjustments cause negative reactions due to the feeling of losing control?

Do they find it harder to control situations or events where they don’t know what’s going to happen? Chances are a lot of you are listening to this, watching this, and nodding along going, Yep, yep, yep, that sounds like Sharon, Susie, Mark. Alex and Kim. This is a very common thing. And, but you see where this comes up is that when we’re feeling like we’re losing a sense of control, we don’t have this sense of control, that is going to affect our well being, our motivation, and is going to lead to self sabotage.

So, that’s where you can kind of diagnose Um, And I think that’s one of your clients, maybe reasons for self sabotaging being trying to take control is if [00:22:00] those things are coming up for you when I when I just read through that list, but in general, understanding that at the core of all of this, your clients brains are simply trying to seek help.

Safety and survival, no matter if we’re talking about self concept uncertainty, homegrown beliefs, internalized fears, trying to take control, all of this can kind of come back to that, so please keep that in mind, that your clients aren’t broken, there’s nothing to fix, in fact, their brains are actually doing exactly what they’re frickin supposed to be doing.

It does get in the way. And it does often lead to self sabotage, but it’s really important that you can, again, diagnose where the self sabotaging, these self sabotaging behaviors are coming from. So then you can go on with them to rewire, implement exercises, do things differently based on that quote unquote diagnosis, and you’re not just kind of shooting arrows in the dark.

So all in all, too, there’s some more things. kind of for [00:23:00] your, for your own mindset as the coach to think about when it comes to self sabotage is that it’s a temporary, temporary, it’s a temporary tool to relieve distress and discomfort. So most of the time people are self sabotaging because in the moment it’s going to make them feel more comfortable.

It’s going to relieve like stress in some way. Obviously, again, it’s temporary, so it’s not really doing anything for them, even maybe in the hours that follow that. But that’s where it’s kind of coming from. And in general, our clients brains, your brains, are just trying not to take risks where there’s no, like, cognitive template.

I say in quotes to follow just yet we have a lot of great cognitive templates for unhealthy behaviors and things that we fall back on when we’re stressed out and want to conserve those resources of our of our brain again, but we don’t. Our clients don’t have these templates for these new habits and behaviors yet.

So the goal, and this is how you can describe it to them [00:24:00] too, is that you have these old templates that your brain’s going to keep wanting to go back to. We have to insert some new templates and make that the place that your brain wants to go. And it’s totally possible. And that’s what we’re going to do together.

And that’s the kind of confidence that you can also have as a health and fitness coach. If you have these tools in your toolbox to help your clients work through self sabotage, obviously, shameless plug, this is the kind of stuff that we will help you learn inside the Health Mindset Coaching Certification.

But also to kind of like bring us back here, clients are going to like keep them, clients brains rather, are going to keep them from actively pursuing their goals because of these self sabotaging behaviors, because their brain is trying to protect themselves. But in general, please, With all of this, note that it is not about your clients just not wanting it bad enough.

That they just don’t care enough. They just like, don’t [00:25:00] have the motivation that they should. Compared to your other clients. That’s not what’s going on here. I hope that, that is, if you’re, if you’re multitasking, come back to me, listen to this. I need you to understand that when your clients are self sabotaging, it’s not because they’re not trying hard enough.

I mean, of course, there’s always the one off situations where it could be the case, right? But for the most part, and this is what, What most clients and most coaches are missing is that self sabotaging behaviors are coming from a really good place of our brains just trying to protect ourselves, our brains trying to protect our clients.

So it’s not about them not wanting it bad enough. Okay? So to bring this all together. The first steps in helping clients combat self sabotage is first to understand the why. Why is self sabotage even a thing in the first place? Because this can really help you as a coach better understand and not just automatically think, well, this client’s just uncoachable.

I have other clients who don’t have this issue, [00:26:00] so it’s obviously this person. That’s not the case. You need to check your mindset around self sabotage. And why do you believe and how are you responding to self sabotaging behaviors with your clients? First and foremost, and you can do a lot of that in the last episode where I described a lot of these things.

And then from there, you can evaluate all of the shit that your clients are going through through the SHIT terrible acronym that I came up with that’s contributing to their self sabotage. Please, please, please ask questions. All these different types of self sabotage triggers that we went through. Ask your clients questions.

And your clients can and should help you actually diagnose themselves. It shouldn’t be just you going to them and saying, okay, so clearly this came from your upbringing and your mom dieting all the time and the diet’s never working. So like, that’s your issue. That’s why you’re self sabotaging. That’s not how the conversation should go.

Please do [00:27:00] not do that. Instead, have questions, take time here, collect data, follow up, assess situations, ask questions, have a collaborative conversation. With your clients, because the chances are they will come and say, You know what, it was probably because my mom was dieting all the time and it never worked for her.

And now that’s stuck with me. And you can go, Oh my god, you’re probably right. Let’s talk about that more. So much better. And third step, only then, after you do all of this, should you start to actually deploy strategies to help them manage the self sabotage. Manage the shit. The S H I T. I literally can’t even say.

I’m just like annoyed at myself that I couldn’t come up with something better. And this is where most coaches try to start. is with certain strategies. They try to go there first and then they fail because these prior steps weren’t done and there wasn’t a full understanding of what you’re actually doing.

So keep that in mind always with everything, especially when it comes to client psychology, behavior change [00:28:00] mindset. Understanding the foundations of where this is coming from, being able to really, like, sift through this different stuff before you deploy the hacks and the tips and the tricks is so, so, so imperative.

And so when it comes to strategies, I’m not going to leave you entirely hanging. We’re not going to get into a bunch of, like, specific strategies today. We did the, the diagnosing type of stuff today. I’m not going to say that you need to join the Health Mindset Coaching Certification in order to get those strategies.

Like, I just Left you hanging the last two full episodes. Um, in the next, next episode, we are gonna talk about all or nothing thinking, and that’s kind of like, kind of like the queen of self sabotage, where it all comes back down to a lot and how to combat that with your clients, but yes. If you do want to feel confident in your abilities to help your clients stop self sabotage, end all or nothing thinking, work through a fixed mindset, shift to a growth mindset, and ultimately, because of all of this, [00:29:00] actually see changes that last, actually sit down at your computer to do your client check ins and feel excited To work with every single one of your clients because you know none of them are really, really getting in their own way and even if they were, you would know exactly what to do about it.

Like, I know what it feels like to start resenting clients who just can’t stick with the plan or they ghost you half of the time. It is so frickin frustrating and that is what the Health Mindset Coaching Certification is for. That is what we help you combat. And you can get started absolutely for free.

No strings attached. If you want to grab five free lessons from me. start deploying with your clients right away. You can do that. When you join the waitlist for HMCC, doesn’t commit you to anything. You will get updates when enrollment opens, but that’s about it. When you join the waitlist, you get five free lessons.

So I’m going to leave the link here on the screen somewhere. It’s also going to be down in the show notes so you can check it out there if you’re not watching and you are instead listening. And that, my [00:30:00] friends, is all I have for you today. So I hope learning about the shit method is helpful for you. If you have any questions about self sabotage, about anything that I shared here, or in any other episodes, please, please, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I love being able to connect and actually chat with you guys, because I As you can tell, if you’re watching this, I’m just sitting by myself talking at a microphone and a camera for minutes and minutes and now hours on end, and it’s fun for me to actually be able to connect with you, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you would like to.

Let me know your favorite stuff, your least favorite stuff. I’m here for all of it. Give me the feedback. But that is all I have for you this time, and I am so excited to talk about all or nothing thinking in the next episode, and I will see you there.